Monthly Archives: November 2011

Feeling pleasantly teased by the tongue of January Jones…

I had a pleasant and relaxing Thanksgiving weekend–kind of “mini-vacation”–saw relatives in New Jersey on Turkey Day, and then hung out in NYC and kicked back Friday through Sunday. Saw friends, visited flea markets looking for vintage men’s magazines, took long walks, shot some photos on the streets (a pastime of mine). And caught up on a couple of movies which I’d missed in the theaters–Valkyrie starring Tom Cruise, about the plot to assassinate Hitler in July 1944 (a pretty good film, interesting to see how the whole unsuccessful plot had played out); and Unknown with Liam Neeson, Diane Kruger, and January Jones. I really recommend Unknown–saw it on HBO–it was an extremely visceral, exciting Hitchcock-style thriller. Liam Neeson was excellent as the man whose identity has been taken away from him, and January Jones was perfect as the skeptical blonde with a kind of bruised edge to her haughty personality–a type which she plays to perfection in Mad Men, and is definitely an alluring character for the big screen too.

The deep cleavage was also appreciated by ye ole Uncle Irv...

Miss Jones's characters often look as if they can't believe what the hell somebody is doing.

Best of all, January Jones has a kind of sensuality not unlike Grace Kelly’s, to whom she has been compared. When it suddenly bursts out, it’s luscious to behold:

I wonder why she was doing this with her tongue. But does it matter? She did it!

Looking at that last photo, I almost feel I’m being personally teased by Miss January…a pleasant sensation! Her lipstick reminds me also of a dominatrix I’ve read about online who has a sort of specialty in lipstick teasing–Goddess Lycia here.

Besides watching a couple of movies, I did a lot of postings on Twitter to promote my new ebook, SHE MADE A CUCKOLD ON BLACK FRIDAY. The kind folks at Domme Dose, where I write a regular column, put in a item in which I wrote about it, and between my tweets and Domme Dose and the retweets of my tweets by kind folks like The Asian Goddess, and WR and Footboidon over at the Dose, the book is off to a nice start.

Anyway, my other books also sold nicely over this “shopping weekend,” and I hope it continues so I’ll have a little extra money for holiday cheer and gifts. You can find out about all my books at my Amazon author’s page here.

My books are perfect digital stocking stuffers for kinky Kindle lovers! So indulge yourself on…what do they call it now? “Cyber-Monday”! In any case, have a good start to your week.

Chinese-American stripper teases her obedient slave!

Chinese-American grad student enslaves middle-aged admirer!

Leggy temp worker instructs employer in foot worship!

Five complete short stories featuring five delectably dominant females!


The top cleavage shot of January I found here; the closeup with the skeptical expression here; and the dazzling tongue shot here.

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Posted by on November 28, 2011 in Erotica


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She makes him a CUCKOLD on BLACK FRIDAY!

Just in time for the holidays ye ole Uncle Irv has a treat for all you lovers of ultra-kinky femdom fiction…my newest story is about to appear on the Kindle Store on Amazon! Should be up within the next day or so. I just pressed the button to publish it about an hour ago.

In it, our middle-aged hero Brian is addicted to a young Chinese-American stripper…lets her move in with him…and as the story begins, the twisted fun is well underway! Like…she wants to use him as her…as her…bathroom??

And it all happens on that most iconic of days…the day after Thanksgiving…BLACK FRIDAY!!

Ye ole Uncle Irv returns to one of his specialties: depicting a cruel Asian beauty in a story to make you amazed and aroused!

If you’ve ever imagined what it would be like to have your favorite girl pick up another man in front of you in a crowded department store…

If you ever imagined what it would be like to buy a Christmas gift for your girl’s new hung lover…

If you ever imagined what it would be like to be strapped into an adult diaper by a sneering Chinese beauty and forbidden to go to the restrooms while you’re shopping….

If you ever imagined what it would be like to watch a woman you crave with her mouth filled with the major meat of another man…


Check back here or at @irvoneil at Twitter in a day or two for more info! Meanwhile, enjoy your turkeys, and check out my other ebooks on Amazon here.

They’ll make perfect digital stocking stuffers for the kinky Kindle lovers in your life!

And finally, if you’re interested in more of my views about the femdom scene, check out my regular column NOTES OF A REBEL SUBBIE at Domme Dose each week! My topics have included “The Dominating Power of a Sexy Voice,” “Your Money Is Your Load,” and this week’s “Dirty Talent of the Clip Chix!”

Happy Thanksgiving!


UPDATE! SHE MADE ME A CUCKOLD ON BLACK FRIDAY is now available for purchase on Amazon in the U.S., England, Germany, and France! With one click you can enjoy this story on your Kindle or your Kindle application on your computer. It’s been selling since the early morning hours–appropriately for Black Friday, and I just downloaded a copy for my own reference and it looks great. Kindle does a fine job presenting a writer’s work in a very easy-to-read format, and makes it possible for me to publish the stories at a very reasonable price to my readers. Here are the links. I hope you’ll check out SHE MADE ME A CUCKOLD ON BLACK FRIDAY, and let me know how you like it by leaving a comment here or on Amazon! Have a great…and if you so choose, kinky Black Friday! 😉



Posted by on November 23, 2011 in Erotica


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How I got Post Traumatic Boner Syndrome from Julie Newmar!

The other day in the New York Post, the columnist Andrea Peyser was complaining about the ease with which Chelsea Clinton got a prime tv journalism job, and inferring that she secured it because she’s the daughter of Bill and Hilary. I could only shake my head. What else is new? Who doesn’t use connections if they have them? Is it such a crime?

It made me think back to the one time in my life when I had a connection to high places, and I didn’t take enough advantage of it. Although I had a modest middle-class upbringing on the north side of Chicago, through his work my father met somebody who had a father-in-law who worked as an executive at NBC. Between my sophomore and junior years in college–the summer of 1971–this connection of my father’s enabled me to get a part-time job as an NBC page at Rockefeller Center.

The guy's office was up at the top...I remember the carpeting made everything so quiet...

It was exciting to live in New York on my own, in a cheap room at the YMHA (Young Men’s Hebrew Assocation) on bustling Lexington Avenue and 92nd Street. On the gig, I did various usher types of duties, and sat behind a desk and directed tourists here and there in Rockefeller Center; but the best part of the job was working backstage at the Tonight Show when Johnny Carson hosted, and when Joey Bishop filled in during Carson’s vacation.

Johnny Carson, king of late night tv for many years

Joey Bishop filled in for Carson the summer I worked at NBC.

I sat at a little desk and greeted the celebrity guests for the show and directed them to the green room or the dressing rooms, I can’t remember which now.

I got to meet a lot of famous people and although I didn’t really get to talk to them much, it was fun to see them up close. The late actor Victor Buono, I remember, had a beautiful blonde hanging on his arm; he’d been on the show to recite his funny little poems about weight and food. He was obviously an extremely charming guy.

He was not just heavy, but very tall as I recall.

The singer and impressionist Marilyn Michaels was quite friendly too, I remember. The legendary film director Frank Capra was cranky; he’d brought some kind of a script along with him, and he misplaced it. I remember how the famous mentalist The Amazing Kreskin looked pretty old to me before he got his makeup on, even though I see Wikipedia says he was born in 1935, which would have made him only 36 in the summer of 1971. In any case, he looked more youthful with stage makeup, and this was a good lesson in the rejuvenating and transforming power of makeup, an insight which held me in good stead when years later I commissioned and directed photo shoots for adult magazines.

Marilyn Michaels; I can't remember what she said, but she struck me as funny and down-to-earth.

I was never a great Capra fan, although I'd seen a few of his films on tv in the 60s.

The Amazing Kreskin--a rather striking album cover.

Muhammad Ali was there, and I don’t need to tell you how people were tripping over themselves when he was around. Another charming guy, and one of the female pages looked like she’d fallen in love with him instantly when he asked her some trivial question.

I seem to remember Ali wearing a tuxedo that night he was on the show.

Claudia Cardinale, the Italian movie goddess, was on the program too, and her dress was so low-cut the cameras kept a tight closeup on her face. Unfortunately, I was downstairs at the information booth on the main floor when she appeared (sometimes we rotated our duties, as I recall), but when she came out of the elevator downstairs in the lobby after the taping, resplendent in her low-cut black dress and high heels, with a great tan and those flashing eyes and bright smile, I got to see her energy and beauty full-length. I said then, and I still say…WOW.

Claudia Cardinale set a kind of standard for vivacious beauty in my mind...

In the early 80s, well into my porn career, I got involved with a girl who looked a lot like Claudia above when she smiled–but unfortunately she also frowned a lot. I let that relationship get the better of my psyche. Maybe I’ll talk more about her another time when I discuss my memories of the porn trade…or maybe not. Painful recollections. She wasn’t in the porn biz herself, but she loathed my participation in it, and I just didn’t know how to tell her to go fuck herself until I got in too deep…

Back to 1971 and The Tonight Show. I was working backstage when Bob Hope was waiting to go on. It was just the two of us in the silent corridor. He was alternately pacing slowly and standing still, all by himself only a few feet from where I sat at the tiny reception desk which jutted out from the wall. I admired him, especially from the 40s movie Monsieur Beaucaire (which I later found out Woody Allen really liked too) but I was so nervous I couldn’t think of anything to say to Hope. He didn’t look much like he wanted to talk, either, but I wish I’d said something. Anything. Because who knows, right? When you reach out to people, your life can move in different directions. Or maybe not.

I always found Bob Hope's delivery extremely funny. Still cracks me up, just reading his old quotes and imagining him saying them.

But the most amazing person I met backstage was Julie Newmar. I was writing in a log book or something, and when I looked up, there she was, this beautiful Amazon. She asked me where her dressing room was, but I was so flummoxed by her gorgeousness I stammered and couldn’t remember where she was supposed to go.

Humorously, she leaned over me with an effect similar to that of the following photograph, and said, “You really don’t know where I’m supposed to go?”

I think just meeting Julie Newmar in 1971 for sixty seconds gave me Post Traumatic Boner Syndrome! But it's a pleasurable affliction! 😉

I remember she seemed very busty, very sexy, and also very sweet. I recovered my equilibrium and directed her, and off she went. I was sorry I couldn’t watch her during the show, because her appearance was apparently a sensational one. But I had to remain on the job. Still, I had my moment with her!

Years later, I took my memory and spun it into a fantasy for a porn story about a young guy who’s working as an usher at a celebrity talk show, and meets a famous busty actress. She invites him to her hotel room and he thinks they’re going to make love, but instead she has him shave her vagina so she’s nice and smooth for her actual lover, an actor in sword-and-sandal movies. At least, that’s my recollection of what I wrote. It was entitled “I’ll Never Stop Shaving Her,” alluding to the character’s never letting go of that precious memory.

But back to reality…

I’ve seen Julie Newmar in subsequent years at comic book and pop culture memorabilia shows and shared this memory of meeting her at The Tonight Show, and she always laughs and says something funny in reply. I wish I could remember what, but she still intimidates me with her presence–in a good way, but in a way that clouds my mind!

The other sexy thing that happened that summer, besides my going to a hooker for the first time–that’s a story for another post, too–was that I met a tourist who resembled Ann-Margret. Same kind of complexion, long red flowing hair. We started talking when she came up to the NBC information booth to ask for directions. I laid on a little of budding Irv O. Neil charm, such as it was, and got her to agree to have dinner with me. Afterward, we sat in Bryant Park near the New York Public Library watching the sun set over the Hudson River. She was a little more voluptuous than Ann-Margret, and unfortunately she didn’t want to do much more than a little kissing later back at her hotel room, but it was nice to spend an evening with someone who looked like Ann-Margret. I know that sounds incredibly shallow of me, but I was only 19 and a reasonable facsimile of someone as hot as Ann-Margret almost felt like getting a sample of the real thing.

Pauline Kael once said Ann-Margret acted with the "inside of her mouth." I read that in one of Kael's reviews, and still consider it one of the best little snippets of unintentional pornography I've ever come across. Or maybe it wasn't unintentional?

In retrospect, I wish I’d figured out a way to stay at that NBC page job instead of going back to college in the fall. I might have gotten more out of that situation than I did out of school. The job was supposed to wind up at the end of the summer, but who knows? If I’d managed to hang on in some way, I might have ended up writing for something like Saturday Night Live in its 70s glory days. It’s not outside the realm of possibility. I’m a pretty funny writer when I want to be–my erotica is loaded with funny little moments between the heavy breathing and orgasms.

I’ve been thinking about this “what if” ever since I read about critic James Wolcott’s experience, related in his recent memoir Lucking Out, about when he moved to New York around the same time I did. He had an opportunity to do something with his writing and he seized it without going back to college. I guess that’s what I feel I should have done with my “in” at NBC. But alas, I was too conventional for such a move, and back to school I went.

In my late 20s, New York, 46th Street. Photo thanks to my good pal Lou Meyers!


Posted by on November 18, 2011 in Erotica


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Dream encounter with a robot woman…

In real life yesterday, I had two “encounters” with robot women. (I guess a lot of unusual stuff happened on 11/11/11, hmm?) In the first, I read a sci-fi short story from 1960 as part of research for an article. The tale was about a scientist who creates a female robot who looks like the real thing, but who takes on a life of her own and starts talking and acting in ways in which she is not programmed.

In my second real-life “encounter” yesterday, I called the cable company because my service went down in the evening. I had no phone, Internet, or television. I had a “conversation” with a realistic electronically-generated female voice who asked me what the problems were. And she “told” me that there was a power outage and the cable company was working to fix it.

The upshot of all this? When I was sleeping later last night, I dreamed that I was talking to the robot female voice from the cable company, and when I made a flirtatious comment, at first she didn’t understand but then when I clarified it with a “yes” or “no” answer she began to flirt back with me. So she became, in a sense, the robot woman of the short story, reacting in ways other than the ones in which she was programmed.

I have a date tomorrow for brunch with the voice from the cable company, but I have no idea where to take her.

Maybe she moonlights as a stripper when she's not working at the cable company?


I found the robot stripper pic here.


Posted by on November 12, 2011 in Erotica


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Pinups and giantesses put a smile on my face…

I’m a kind of moody guy, and the last few days I seem to have lost my way a little. Perhaps it was the porno burnout I mentioned in the last post…

Not that I haven’t been busy. Check out my latest “Notes of a Rebel Subbie” column on the female domination site Domme Dose. This week my topic is “The Dominating Power of a Sexy Voice,” but it’s also about memories of the horny old days in $10 whorehouse apartments near Times Square. Naturally, the column is for Adults Only. (Just have to say that.)

I have a noirish vision of life. Noir movies and fiction seem realistic to me; the world often seems dark. But I wish I had a lighter view of things, and sometimes wish I were an artist instead of a writer, because art communicates so much more rapidly than writing, which takes a greater commitment on the part of the spectator…a commitment given far less generously these days, with all the distractions of computer, tv, iPad, cellphone, Internet, etc etc ad nauseum.

Anyway, when I say “artist” I really mean pinup artist, because I love them, and the best of them, like Gil Elvgren, give aesthetic pleasure and joy in equal measure. I found this nice Elvgren at a blog called Gimme More Bananas.

Sure, it's sentimental. But who doesn't envy that pup in her arms?

I spent a little time tonight looking around the Web for pictures of “women with male puppets” (that’s a topic for another post) but instead I found a lot of stuff about giantesses. Not many lady & puppet pix. But I located a great picture of Jessica Alba in the “Fifty Foot Woman” mode here. I think she is the best of the modern pinup models. Oh, I know she’s an actress, but I mostly just like to look at her photos. She really poses well, and her smile is as luminescent as that of an Elvgren gal.

If a huge woman has to menace the freeways, we couldn't do better than Miss Jessica.

I found a lot of interesting stuff about giantesses, so I’ll have to do another post about them soon.

Funny, it just occurred to me: whenever I’m blue, I always seem to end up surfing the Web for giantesses. Maybe I just wanna be scooped up in Mommy’s arms and be told that everything will be all right…you know I’m kinda Freudian by now, don’tcha?


Posted by on November 9, 2011 in Erotica


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Porno overload! Brain must rest!

It’s hard to believe it’s been a week since my last entry, which was on my 60th birthday. But it’s true…time speeds up the older you get…

I’ve been feeling a little “porned out.” That’s a phrase some people in the adult business use when your mind just overloads on work…which of course involves looking at mountains of pictures of breasts and vaginas and butts and fetish things…and you start to feel kind of like James Stewart in Vertigo

Well, maybe it's not quite this bad...

I didn’t really take a break last week and did a lot of extra writing; for one thing, I wrote the first installment of my new column for the website Domme Dose, “Notes of a Rebel Subbie,” which can be found here. The site is for adults only, and is about what is called “financial domination” or “findom,” a fetish where men give women gifts and money for a kind of masochistic erotic satisfaction.

I also worked on a new story for a possible ebook that didn’t come out the way I liked, so I put it aside after writing a few thousand words that just didn’t jell.

This on top of the adult website newsletters I write, the sexual product columns I do, and the copy for nudie pictures. Sometimes you just reach a state of overload, as at any job…

So I took a break last night and watched a 1945 film noir called Danger Signal that was on Turner Classic Movies. Zachary Scott plays a murderer and con man who, on the run from his crimes, first convinces a lonely typist (Faye Emerson) that he’s in love with her, until he meets her younger sister (Mona Freeman) who has an inheritance–and then he dumps Faye for Mona.

Faye Emerson had a haunted, fragile quality in this film.

Scott was good as a lying manipulative ladies man who preys on naive females, but I especially liked Faye Emerson. She goes from happily in love into a downward spiral of murderous depression–an interesting twist–and she turns the tables psychologically on Scott in an exciting conclusion.

The movie wasn’t perfect, and ended a little too quickly and too simplistically, but it was definitely worth seeing…and I became intrigued with Faye Emerson, immediately looking her up online for more info and pix.

I found these cool shots of her at what I believe is a Brazilian site which colorizes black and white photos to startling effect. Click on the link and pay it a visit, it’s marvelous. (If it’s not a Brazilian site, just let me know, and I’ll adjust my description accordingly.)

She was married for a time to orchestra leader Skitch Henderson.

In Danger Signal, she looked very beautiful but had a sad quality that made her character complex and strangely appealing. As a viewer I wanted to understand why such a beautiful woman seemed to have such a melancholy view of herself, but it was never explained.

In middle age she grew fat, wrote unpublished memoirs, and died of stomach cancer.

I think the second picture captures the fragile quality in her beauty.

One thing that was also interesting to me about Danger Signal is that it seemed as if it could have influenced the plot for A Kiss Before Dying, the famous 1953 novel by Ira Levin, and the suspenseful 1956 movie made from it with Robert Wagner, Joanne Woodward, and Virginia Leith. Two examples: in Danger Signal, Zachary Scott comes up with a very clever way of getting a woman to unwittingly write her own suicide note, and in A Kiss Before Dying, the psychopathic con man played by Wagner in the movie does a very similar thing. Secondly, in A Kiss Before Dying as well as well as Danger Signal, the man becomes involved with two sisters, leading each of them on for his nefarious ends.

Ira Levin, who went on to write famous books like Rosemary’s Baby, was about 16 years old when Danger Signal was released; could he have seen it and did some of its plot elements sink into his subconscious for later transformation into his exciting novel? I’m not saying he copied Danger Signal, but like any artist, may have been inspired by works that came before him. In point of fact, A Kiss Before Dying is a superior story, at least as a film and novel. I haven’t read the novel on which Danger Signal was based…but interestingly, an autographed copy of it goes for $650 at the brick & mortar and online bookseller where I found the image below! It sounds as if it might be a riveting read. Maybe I’ll find a less expensive copy someday…

Phyllis Bottome sounds like another subject for online research--prolific author and expert on psychology.

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Posted by on November 3, 2011 in Erotica


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