Someone on Twitter last night said that they liked a phrase in one of my tweets and wanted to use it as the name of their band. The phrase was “futile lechery,” which I used to describe the hilarious attempts of horny John Astin to score a date with lovely Doris Day in the 60s comedy A Touch of Mink. I gotta admit, I’m proud of that little combo of words.
Actually, however, it’s not the first time my words have inspired (or will inspire) a band’s name. In 1988 I wrote (and titled) a porn movie called BOOM BOOM VALDEZ.
I had briefly met the sexy young star Keisha at the XRCO Awards in L.A., and I was knocked out by her beauty and friendly personality. Then another time (I can’t recall if it was on the same trip) I ran into her at a party at the home of a magazine photographer, and I told Keisha I’d love to write a movie for her sometime. I mentioned this to director Ron Sullivan aka Henri Pachard, who was also there. He told me to come up with a storyline (he had just directed my first two screenplays, ADULTERY and ON THE LOOSE) and I promptly did when I got back to New York. BOOM BOOM VALDEZ is the story of topless dancer Boom Boom (Keisha) and her relationships with her sister, mother, co-workers at the club, and a writer who has a bit of a crush on her. (Nothing autobiographical about it!) 😉
The picture got made and is still out there on disc, old VHS cassettes, online, and even got a very nice IMDb review last year which you can read here. But as luck and occasional porn production ineptitude would have it (and at the time I was extremely annoyed), the producers forgot to include my name in the credits…!
My reaction to this was, and I quote exactly: $%!!#??#&**##%!!!
I wrote all my movies under my real name Neil Wexler, rather than Irv O. Neil. Many of the scripts had a lot of personal elements, even more in the case of BOOM BOOM VALDEZ which is why the missing credit so irked me. But to whom was I going to protest, the non-existent Porn Screenwriters Guild?
Nonetheless, in sneaky fashion, always anticipating this kind of snafu, I’d left certain clues within the script itself as to its writerly parentage. For one, there is a character named “Victor Bloom”—Bloom being a name that has popped up in my work since 1975, either as characters or pseudonyms (I wrote as “Lester Bloom” for many years). Secondly, the characters of the writer played by Joey Silvera and the burlesque fan played by Richard Pacheco are very recognizably drawn on my own personality and interests. The writer, in fact, is a precursor to the character of Vic Vanner in my suspense novel FATE OF A STRIPPER, about a middle-aged writer/editor in love with a dancer.
Anyway, it was a kick when I heard, years later, that there was a European band called Boom Boom Valdez—so I look forward to hearing more about Futile Lechery!