Her cruel beauty inspires Sardax again!

02 Aug

The terrific British femdom artist Sardax just finished a new illustration, inspired by the character of the beautiful and cunning Miss Meirong in my top-selling ebook Learning to be Cruel. He imagines something that Meirong might do if I write a sequel. Usually I don’t write sequels to my stories, I tend to “shoot my wad” on the tale and move onto the next. But I might make an exception to this by doing a new installment of Learning to be Cruel as soon as I can make the time. I know that phrase “as soon as I can make the time” might sound lazy, but in order to pay my rent, health insurance, and so forth, as a freelance porn writer, I already do thousands upon thousands of words for adult websites and magazines each week, and lately I just want to relax afterward, watch old movies, and shoot the breeze with my pals!

Sometimes I wonder if working on a laptop, as I have for the last two years, makes my eyes more tired than when I wrote on a desktop, which I did for almost fourteen years. I find myself more swallowed up in the writing on the laptop, but it could come at the cost of more energy and more weary orbs. Well, I’m just thinking out loud…

Anyway, here’s the small version of Sardax’s new illo, with Meirong dazzlingly potent in a blood-red dress and hemoglobin-red femme fatale heels! You can see the full size version on his site here.

She is tearing up a book belonging to Lester, the guy kneeling in front of her. Lester, who is dominated by Meirong in the first story with humiliating food play in a crowded diner, is an inveterate reader…not unlike myself.

I have some ideas for a sequel, and I hope I’ll do the story. It’s funny, the idea I have will go into even more intense realms of erotic emotional cruelty, and I’m almost scared to travel there. When I write a story, I feel like I’m living it in the hours that I spend in front of my laptop. And sometimes I feel I should spend more time living life in the real world rather than in my fictional one.

Meaning…maybe I should find a beautiful Asian woman to worship in real life.

This emotion is unpleasant because it makes me feel that writing fiction is somehow a “second-rate” version of existence. It comes from something that my father unfortunately said to me when I was in high school, just an offhand comment no doubt, while making my first attempts at fiction writing. It took place in 1968. I’d left my desk to go to the kitchen, and when I came back I saw that my father had wandered into my room and seen some pages of the story I was working on. It was, like the stories I write today, about a guy getting involved with a gal, and my father said to me, “Instead of writing a story about getting a girlfriend, why don’t you get one in real life?” From that moment on I have felt in a ridiculously immature yet resilient way that writing fiction is a second-rate way to live. Intellectually, I know it’s isn’t; to write well is one of the things I aspire to, and admire in others. Yet the wound from my father’s words has never healed.

It was particularly galling because unlike a lot of somewhat shy, bookish adolescents, I actually did date girls in high school–a lot of them. I might not have had a steady girl until I was senior, but my father was unfair in his implication that I wasn’t trying! I started dating when I was a sophomore, and I was always in there pitching.

His casual comment has haunted me ever since, even though I tried to expunge its power through therapy and introspection.

A feeling of guilt–of unworthiness–haunts the characters in my stories too. Especially Lester in Learning To Be Cruel.

If you’re interested in checking out the original story, you can find it on Amazon here.


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2 responses to “Her cruel beauty inspires Sardax again!

  1. Cevinex

    September 4, 2012 at 3:32 am

    Hi Irv!

    The Sardax art caught my eye, but the words of your recollection resonated with me. I recall, many years ago, when I felt I was just beginning to recognize my own talent as an artist/illustrator, I would spend hours upon hours in rapt concentration realizing my fevered little fantasies upon paper. Occasionally, I would come up for air to experience slight pangs of shame and frustration that I was not somehow pursuing the Domme of my dreams, while full well knowing that she probably didn’t exist (and, let’s face it, the Dommes of my artwork can be pretty frightening anyway, but I digress).

    That all definitely reached a boiling point before too long, and I set out to try and realize my fantasies to the fullest extent possible. I guess I pretty much accomplished doing so, but after the dust settled, I realized that my artistic visions hold a special place above and beyond what I could experience in life – and as I alluded to above, they also allow me (and others) to safely explore feelings and emotions that may be better off left to pure fantasy.

    I hope you feel similarly with the fantastic written art you create!

    • irvoneil

      September 5, 2012 at 12:52 pm

      Hi Cevinex,

      Sorry it took me a couple of days to reply. Just back to a pile of work after the Labor Day holiday…

      Thanks for your comment and I appreciate your kind words about my stories! Yes, I do feel that some things are perhaps better explored through fiction or art, although I’m not sure where the dividing line is between what’s good to do, and what’s better to just fantasize over…I guess it’s a blurry line. I often write about things that I don’t think I could do in real life, although limits can be pushed, I suppose. I do want to have some more RT experiences to explore this question!

      I write a regular column on Tuesdays for the findom site Domme Dose at which is called “Notes of a Rebel Subbie.” The title is appropriate because although I have my submissive side, I often balk at it…as do the restless male characters in my stories. Still, both my characters and myself can fall to our knees before the right domme…it’s this push-pull toward femdom which gives conflict to my stories, and makes them interesting to me to write.

      You present an intense world in your art, and as I said on femdomartists, I like how you seem to take Hollywood-style glamour faces and turn them into hard dominatrixes. I see Lucille Ball-like faces in your work, as I believe I said previously, and of course she memorably played a dominant bitch in the 40s film The Big Street, probably one of the most sadomasochistic movies Hollywood ever made (in the roundabout way they treated such subject matter, that is).


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